I dreamt of my sister the other night, it was her 4th month death anniversary. Was it her way of visiting me? And now i feel as if a cold wind is enveloping me, eventhough there is no air coming from the electric fan, is it her? Is she embracing me at this very moment and assuring me that everything is alright? 
Sometimes I can't understand myself, I always tell to myself, to trust everything to the Lord and never lose faith in Him for He knows what He is doing and this is just one of the trials He has given us to make us a better person, but at the corner of my mind my faith is slowly crumbling, it was shattered to several tiny pieces that I have a hard time picking it all up and I would be a hypocrite if i will say that my faith is still intact after everything that has happened. My foundation of faith was not that really strong, contrary to what I have always believed before. I ask the same questions over and over again to myself....but still I haven't found even one answer to my gazillions of questions. It still doesn't make sense yet. I know it is still too premature but my heart and my mind is restless and tired. My desperation to hold and see my sister again becomes more intense with each passing day
.For now, another day without her feels so empty and senseless. My life now is very different, it took a sudden major twist. My life, my views has changed. I live for the moment now and though I still plan for the future I don't anticipate it with much enthusiasm as it was before... when life was still good. I go wherever the winds of time will take me. "Que sera, sera...whatever will be, will be" as how a famous song line goes. It's useless to dream now...when someone who shares my dreams is not with me to partake with my success. We were halfway to fulfillment when she suddenly left us....how can i go on??? now that I have broken a wing
. How can I soar high to reach the peak with a broken wing? I don't know, but deep inside me I know she will always be around to support and guide us to make it through, to be able to continue to fulfill the dreams that we have built. From the start and till the end, she has always been happy and silently proud for all the achievements me and my other sister have made and the same way we are to her.You will always live on for us my little sister, you may not be given the chance to be a nurse and serve the people here on earth but I know there's a special place for you to practice your profession. Somehow, someday when we meet, we can live for our dreams again but not in these phase of life. I know someday there will be more nights wherein I can sleep without soaking my pillow with tears ..... that special lavender pillow you chose for me last christmas
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